This is the catastrophic consequence of likeability. Many girls think of the “feelings” of those who are hurting them.

Many girls spend too much time trying to be “nice” to people who do them harm. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice. Many sexual predators have capitalized on this. We teach girls to be likeable, to be nice, to be false. “The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.” ― Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. “Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. ― Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions Not “if only.” Not “as long as.” I matter equally. “Your feminist premise should be: I matter. And they grow up - and this is the worst thing we do to girls - they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. Cover yourself.” We make them feel as though being born female they’re already guilty of something. There are far fewer guides for men about pleasing women. All over the world, there are so many magazine articles and books telling women what to do, how to be and not to be, in order to attract or please men. We spend too much time telling girls that they cannot be angry or aggressive or tough, which is bad enough, but then we turn around and either praise or excuse men for the same reasons. We don’t teach boys to care about being likable. We spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them.

Chimamanda ngozi adichie on feminism